
As most people who follow this blog have probably already heard, ESPN’s Bill Simmons (the Sports Guy) just released his 700+-page magnum opus,
The Book of Basketball. Simmons is currently on a month-long tour promoting the book, and this past Friday, the tour took him back to his hometown here in Boston. Simmons has been basically my favorite sports writer since I started reading him as a senior in high school in 2002. Simmons signature is writing from the perspective of a fan while integrating (often obscure) pop culture references. I have posted links to my five favorite columns by him at the bottom of this post if you want to know what you’re getting yourself into before purchasing a book that could literally stop a
speeding bullet. I’ll address the signing itself, then what I’ve read of the book so far before getting to said links, but let me say this: I opened the book Saturday morning for the first time, and between then and now (late Sunday night), I have already burned through 115 pages.
The signing took place at the only place that made sense: Hurricane O’Reilly’s, a popular sports bar located across the street from the TD Banknorth Garden, hours before the Celtics faced off against the Bulls. Figuring the bar would be open beforehand and my friends and I could help ourselves to some afternoon drinking without judgement (always a plus), we arrived at 3:15 for the 4 o’clock signing. No dice. The line was already about 30 deep, and the bar didn’t let anyone in until 4. By that time, the line had grown to perhaps 100 people, and stayed wrapped around the block for over the next hour. Approximate number of girls in this line: four, all getting books signed for their boyfriends. A line like this was good, however, for my friend and I to impress strangers with our Roger Dorn Indians and Johnny Utah Ohio State jerseys. If you don’t understand what I just said, there is a 95% chance we could never be friends.
Inside, there was a line to purchase the book, two women who asked for your name, wrote it on a post it note, and stuck it on the inside page before ushering you over to the guy, who handed you over to the guy that allowed you to hand your book to the Sports Guy. I was slightly put off by the whole procedure, but can wholly admit it was necessary to expedite things if he a) was going to get to the game where he was promoting the book that night and b) was to avoid being verbally harrassed by a cavalcade of young- to middle-aged men with obtuse questions about everything from Kurt Rambis’s mustache to David Silver’s hip hop career on
90210. This is not to say he wasn’t affable, or as affable as a man who’s written his name thousands of times and traveled to six different cities in the past week (if you include the flight from his home in L.A. to D.C. where the tour started on Monday) could be expected to be. A book tour seems like an absolutely miserable thing: all the downside of a rock ‘n’ roll tour without any of the groupies and not nearly the amount of money. So despite my not liking how closely the signing resembled ushering cattle through a slaughterhouse, I don’t know an easier way that it could’ve been done. Besides, he appreciated my friend’s jersey enough to sign his book “I AM AN EFF BEE EYE AGENT.”
The best part, however, came about two hours later, after my friends and I had hung around Hurricane’s and drank a handful of Legend Lites. Legend Lites aka Boggs Lite is what we call Miller Lite, seeing as this was the beer attributed to Wade Boggs’s legendary “50-60 beers consumed during a cross-country flight.” While leaving the bar, the sidewalk was now largely empty as everyone had either gone in the Garden for the start of the game, or had found the bar at which they would watch it. There was, however, an older gentleman with a woman peering in through the window of Hurricane’s. He wouldn’t have stuck out except for a “pantheon” (to borrow a Simmons-ism) mustache that was a cross between 1978 Rollie Fingers and Mark Twain. My friend Matt instantly recognized this as Simmons’s father from his picture that had appeared in one of Simmons’s columns a few months ago. Unbridled with concerns about social graces thanks to the Boggs Lites, we instantly approached him and asked if it was in fact him. He smiled and said “yes, I am the Sports Dad” and was on his way to the game himself. We then asked him the only thing that made sense in such a situation: if he could sign our books as well. He obliged even me, who asked him to sign it something that could be construed as disrespectful, but at the time sounded beyond hilarious. (He smiled and gladly wrote it, so I think we’re okay.)
As for the book itself, all I can say is that so far it’s really fucking good. I started in the middle with his idea of a construction of the Basketball Hall of Fame followed by his ranking and detailed explanation of said ranking for the top 96 players ever to play the game. The biggest thought that I have so far is that I’ve learned an insane amount of information about guys I had only heard of. Guys like Elvin Hayes, Bernard King, Bob Lanier, and Artis Gilmore that I knew of but all came before my time, now have statistics, stories, and
identities to go with the names. The NBA has been around just long enough for a book like this to exist — there are enough people and enough archivable (if that’s a word) resources that we can trust the entire league’s history has been covered. I wish a book existed like this for baseball, but that would be sadly improbable at this point seeing how old the game is and the people who met the people who covered the people that started it are long gone. I’ve heard of Rogers Hornsby and Honus Wagner, and I can tell you that they were good and are in the Hall of Fame, but outside of a few stats, I couldn’t tell you why, or who they compare to, or whether or not they’re better at baseball than Albert Pujols or Alex Rodriguez.
The biggest criticism I’ve heard of Simmons over the year have been that a) he makes arguments without facts to back them up, b) he makes too many pop culture references to be taken seriously, and c) he’s just not that good of an actual writer. Reading five pages of this book will tell you that it has been tirelessly researched, especially when you take into account that many of the guys he talks about ended their careers long before he was alive and his comments about them couldn’t be written without watching hours of game footage. As far as the pop culture references go, I was in third grade when Kevin Johnson and the ‘93 Suns faced off against Jordan’s Bulls in the Finals. I remember this event just as I remember my first college party: I know it happened, I know it didn’t end well, but I can’t recall the actual details. Reading Kevin Johnson’s (ranked #93) section, however, Simmons compares KJ’s awful efforts in Games 1 and 2 to Tony’s tanking in the movie Blue Chips, which I’ve seen probably 15 times for better or worse. I do not have to read any further — from this one reference, I can grasp just how badly Johnson sucked. Besides, people need to lighten up — most of the references are funny enough to make up for the ones that are lame.
As for the last point of contention about him “not being a good writer,” it’s asinine. I’ve thought about this before, and almost bought into it even, that he was more entertaining than he was talented. Watching Andy Milonakis make an ass of himself was entertaining for a few minutes, but he didn’t last because he had no talent. (How’s that for a weird pop culture reference?) Simmons has always aimed to write from the point of view of a fan and it’s a major reason why he’s embraced. To do this, he uses the proper observations, diction, humor, etc, etc. If he spoke from an aloof place of a sportswriter with priveleged access, he wouldn’t be the Sports Guy. I should note that this criticism in particular usually comes from elite intellectual types who need something to complain about to validate their own smarts. These are the same people that think
Total Recall is a lame movie and listen to copious amounts of Wilco. To say Bill Simmons isn’t a good sports journalist is like saying that Ray Lewis isn’t a good quarterback.
Am I biased also having come from the Boston area and therefore being on probably the same side of every argument he’s made? Yes. Does that matter? I don’t think so. Did this post read like some pathetic fanboy who met someone he looked up to? Yes, but that shouldn’t surprise. I wouldn’t have bothered going to the signing if I wasn’t a fan already. Should I be worried about saying I “look up to” a guy who in his twenties “drank too much, smoked too much pot, and showed horrible taste in women?” I don’t see a problem with it. Anyways, after all that, here are those links to my five favorites articles:
Idiot’s Guide to the Boston Marathon: Nothing captures why I love being from this area like this article
2005 NBA Draft Diary: Christ, I wish I had come up with the idea for the running diary. Every year, the NBA Draft is like a two-day holiday for me because I love watching the draft itself and then the next day this column comes out. They’re all good, but 2005 was the best.
1984: The Greatest Year Ever: I should be peeved that he omitted my birthday from this article, but other than that, he makes a hell of a case.
20 Most Annoying Gamblers at the Casino: I guess this only resonates for those who have been to a casino here and there. But BOY does it resonate.
Curious Guy: Chuck Klosterman: This isn’t even really an article as much as it’s an email exchange between him and one of my other favorites columnists, Chuck Klosterman. He did this twice; both are good.
By the way, I’m also reading Klosterman’s new book, Eating the Dinosaur, and I have to say the football essay is very unique, and I mean “I haven’t heard these ideas and observations juxtaposed against each other in this manner” unique, not “watching home movies of your friends’ kid sing off-key in their elementary school play” unique.